Jesus said the following: "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (Mat 18:15–17 (NIV)).
Jesus spoke of an individual sin towards another person, but it can also be a general sin in the congregation. In this case, it's a sin committed by a born again Christian. Jesus isn't here talking about sin committed by unbelievers.
If a person (believer or unbeliever) causes a Christian follower to stumble (to sin), it's as if that person did it to Jesus Christ himself, see
Who is the Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?
Revenge isn't an option, God will deal with it (Rom 12:19–21), see
Love and not revenge in The Sermon on the Mount.
Jesus gives us guidelines for how to act if it's a Christian believer who hurts me, offends me, commits sin against me. We should then act in the following way instead of just ignoring it:
- I should go and tell him how I feel about the incident. I should do it face to face alone with him, possibly over the phone. Definitely not via social media, SMS, email, or the like. It should be done in love and not in anger. "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Eph 4:29).
The goal of the conversation is restoration, not revenge. "And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all." (1 Thess 5:14). If not, I shouldn't go at all. "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18). If he listens to me, I have gained my brother
(Mat 18:15, Luk 17:3–4). In many cases this is enough and solves the problem. God wants to restore our relationships (Gal 6:1). We shouldn't talk about it with people who aren't involved. It's gossip (Proverbs 18:8). - If he refuses to listen, I should bring one or two others as witnesses and talk to him again (Mat 18:16). These persons must then be neutral and not be biased (Proverbs 18:17). This is the only time to involve other people in this matter. But then I have to get a commitment from the people to be witnesses that they really come, before I tell them the question. Otherwise it will be gossip. The witnesses can be helpful in the restoration process.
- If this doesn't work, I should tell tell the church leadership (Mat 18:17a). It must then be public (1 Tim 5:20). The Body of Christ should put pressure on this individual to resolve his problem with sin. To confess it before the Lord as a sin and ask God for forgiveness and restoration. The goal is to find restoration. There will be an attitude and expression of tough love.
Another reason to bring in the church leadership is that they need to be aware of this problem, that there is a person who has chosen to live a sinful lifestyle and has refused repeated attempts to repent. The goal is still to bring this person back to the Lord and to have everyone involved restored, see
The Parables of the Lost Sheep and the Lost Coin. - If the person who sinned still refuses to listen and doesn't repent, he should be treated as a pagan: "If he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." (Mat 18:17b). This means that the Body of Christ should have nothing to do with him. The withdrawal shouldn't be done in anger or bitterness, but with the goal of repentance and restoration. Jesus showed compassion, tenderness, forgiveness, but not tolerance for sin. He said to the woman who had been caught in adultery: "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more." (John 8:11b). See the withdrawal
explained: time 43:37–45:53 in Bible Q & A With Pastor Paul │ January 2024. It's important to still show love and compassion to such a person.
Apostle Paul addressed this type of situation in a letter to the Corinthian congregation. There was a born again Christian who was involved in a physical relationship with his stepmother. Paul told them to exclude the man from the congregation (see step 4 above). Paul's intention was to get this individual saved,
to bring this person to a state of repentance. In a later letter to this congregation,
Paul wrote that if anyone has caused pain to the congregation, and has been punished for this, then the punishment given was enough. They should now rather turn to forgiveness and comfort him. (2 Cor 2:6–8). That person would then probably have repented. For more information, see The Book of Corinthians.
If one is called to bring correction in the life of a Christian believer because of some sinful act that this person has done, it's important not to overdo it and not to say things that do not come from the Lord to say.
A younger Christian leader shouldn't rebuke an older man but encourage him as if he was his father. He should treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as biological sisters in all purity (1 Tim 5:1–2). See also
The Parable about a Blind Leading the Blind.
We should always treat each other with respect as if they were family members or close friends, with the same kind of compassion and kindness. Beware of
destructive criticism, see 4) Miriam and Aaron Opposing Moses in
Moses; Part 13: Rebellion and Paganism.
Automatically disfellowshipping members from a congregation simply for inaction in attending meetings held by the congregation is unbiblical and doesn't help these people. It only hurts them and and can also hurt the congregation. There is no example in the Bible of doing that. The goal must be restoration and not punishment.
See also time 41:11–43:05 in Bible Q & A With Pastor Paul │December 2023.
See also Some stories in the gospels at the bottom of The Four Gospels.
